A Letter Home



CPT John Hallett Afghanistan 2009

 

SPC Dennis Williams, Driver Afghanistan 2009

I wanted to share with all of you a letter I wrote to Cynthia on 18 September 2009. About three weeks after the death of my Company Commander Captain John Hallett, his driver SPC Dennis Williams, our Battalion Physicians Assistant CPT Cory Jenkins and our Battalion Senior Medic SFC Ronald Sawyer.

SFC Sawyer with his niece Emma and his 20 month old son Daniel
picture courtesy of Iraqiwarheros.com

    "Just wanted to write you a letter and say I love you and miss you very much. Things are going good here and I don't want you to worry. I remember you told me I could write you about things here that were happening and how I felt during the situation and the things I did. Well I figured that now would be a good time to tell you about something. It is therapeutic right?

I have been reading a lot going to bed around 0100 or 0130. It is funny how when I am home I never really buy anything for myself and now that I am in Afghanistan I am Amazon biggest customer. I always have that feeling that I should read all the books I can in case, well, you know.

I wanted to write you and tell you about what happened on 25 August. This is probably the hardest thing I have had to do, actually write to you about it.

The patrol we were on went to the Shah Wali Kot district center to do a Key Leader Engagement with he leaders then conduct an assessment of the medical clinic in the village. We left that morning at 0800. I had two medics in my MRAPand cross loaded CPT Jenkins and SFC Sawyer into CPT Hallett's Stryker. We departed the FOB and headed north to Shah Wali Kot. When we got there I got out with CPT Hallett and we talked a little bit (he was sick) as we walked up to the district center to meet with the police chief and ask about the clinic that was about 1/2 mile away. We left and went to the clinic and we were there for about hour. During this time CPT Jenkins and SFC Sawyer look at the facility and even treated a few people that were there.

CPT Cory Jenkins

As we mounted back up to head to the Forward Operating Base (FOB) I had move forward in my MRAP and got onto the road. We had 2 Mortar vehicles, the HHC commander, my vehicle and CPT Halletts vehicle so five total vehicles. 51 was already ont he road and pushed forward, the road was very narrow and the strykers could not pass me so I called CPT Hallett and said the order of movement would be 51, me, HHC 6, A66 9CPT Hallet's vehicle and 52 picking up the rear. We left and headed to the OB. As we were driving I heard a big "Boom" and the radio came to life. HHC 6 called me and said "IED hit" I immediately looked in the rear view mirror and saw a huge pillar of smoke rising in the air. I immediately told my driver to turn around and drove past HHC 6 towards the the vehicle that was hit by the IED. I saw it was A66. The scene was horrific the vehicle was flipped over and the back end now faced the direction we were traveling.

Out of the back door I could see a leg hanging out like someone was lying down in the back. I dismounted and ran to the vehicle. I did not know if anybody was with me but I knew we had little time if we were going to save anyone. My biggest fear was that it was going to explode. In retrospect I should have been worried about the enemy ambushing us with small arms fire. But I did not think about it. I ran up to the vehicle and the fire inside was spreading and the smoke was rolling out of the vehicle. I got inside and someone was yelling for help. I could not see any further than about 2 inches in front of my face. I was choking from the smoke and could feel the fire on my face. I heard someone yelling and could see SPC Pannel crawling through the smoke towards me his head was bleeding so I grabbed his vest handle and pull him out of the stryker. At this time SPC Chaney (my company medic) and SSG Banuelos (my HQ PSG) took care of him and began to take off his gear. I went back to the stryker to find my friend and commander CPT Hallett.

I saw an arm under the back part of the Stryker and knew that was CPT Jenkins. I got back into the Stryker now with SSG Banuelos with me and the .50 cal rounds were now starting to cook off and we could hear them exploding outside the Stryker. SSG Banuelos and I tried to get SFC Sawyer out of the vehicle but the fire was intensifying and I knew that it would be only minuets before the AT-4 (Anti-Tank Missile) would explode causing in effect more casualties. So I pulled everyone back away from the vehicle. I was mad because I could not find CPT Hallett............

SPC Pannell was air medevac'd I I helped carry him to the bird shielding his face from the flying debre and placed him on the bird.

When I got back I started to think about what happened and that CPT Hallet's vehicle was in the spot of the convoy I was supposed to be in. I feel bad like maybe I had something to do with this tragic event and was the cause of many deaths that day. I gathered the company and told them the news as I fought to hold back my tears. After things had settled down I sat and watched while members of the company started to pack up CPT Hallet's belongings, my thoughts went to his new born daughter that he was talking about at dinner the night before.

I can't explain how I felt losing my friend. How helpless I felt watching that Stryker burn and knowing my friend and other Soldiers were in it. I still think about this at night went it is quiet and I know that I could not have saved them without jeopardizing the lives of even more Soldiers. Did I do the right thing? Did I do EVERYTHING I could? I have held my feelings in for this long and try to remain strong and focused for the Soldiers and the leaders of the company, but I never thought it would be this hard again. After Iraq and all the fighting we did in Mosul I thought I had become hardened by battle but the feelings just resurface with every death.

But I am doing it baby and I could not have asked for a better group of Soldiers and Leaders. I just wanted to write you and let you know what happens and courage our young men display every day they are here. The impossible tasks that they are asked to perform everyday. But they put there fears aside and continue the mission.

Even through this ugliness goes on I still know that I have an angel waiting for me at home. I want you to know that I WILL be home soon and give hugs and many kisses.

Gene

This is a letter I know that there were many hero's that day and I write this a tribute to all of those involved. Thank you all for letting me tell you about an event I still think of everyday.

LT Kim XO, me, and CPT Hallett NTC

   

Retirement does not end the fire to continue to help Soldiers

I am often asked two questions the first being do I miss the Army. Do I miss the Army? The answer is “Yes” every day. It is not the institutional or organizational part of the Army that I miss what I miss is the Soldiers. I miss helping Soldiers resolve everyday problems, develop and grow personally and professionally, make a better life for themselves and their families. What many people don’t know about me is that I grew up in a single family home my mother would often work a day job and a night job, so our family time together was limited. We wore clothes from thrift stores and when school would start we would often see many kids getting new shoes and new clothes unfortunately we did not have many of these privileges. I saw the military as a way out of this life and as a way to better myself and learn those trades that would someday make me successful. I knew that in the military the only way to go was up and my potential was only limited to what I could and couldn’t do. So in 1989 I joined the Marine Corps and on June 5, 1989 I arrived at Marine Recruit Depot San Diego. For the next 13 weeks I learned teamwork, responsibility and how hard work would help me graduate and earn the honor to be called a Marine. I graduated and left to go to the School of Infantry where I was awarded the Military Occupational Specialty (MOS) 0311 Infantryman. My eight year career in the Marine Corps would take from serving in A Company 3^rd Reconnaissance Battalion in Hawaii to Sea Duty aboard the USS Enterprise (CVN-65).

PVT Eugene Hicks MCRD, San Diego Sept 1989

In 1997 I joined the Army after a one hour break in service (long enough for me to drive from Camp Pendleton to the Army Recruiting office in Oceanside, Ca) and enlisted in the Army as an 11B. I would lose a rank going from a Sergeant (E-5) to Specialist (E-4). My first duty station Schofield Barracks, Hawaii. I had a great time and quickly went from Specialist to Staff Sergeant and served as a light infantry squad leader spending entirely too much time on the big island wearing out more boots than I care to remember. Over the years my service would take from Korea to Fort Lewis, WA serving with 1st Battalion, 24th Infantry "Deuce Four" as a Platoon Sergeant and ending my caeer as an Infantry First Sergeant (E-8) on March 31, 2011 with 1st Battlion, 17th Infantry Regiment.

Platoon Sergeant A Company 1st Battalion, 24th infantry Regiment Mosul, Iraq 2004-2005
The Soldier to my left Sgt. Robert T. Ayres III, 23, of Los Angeles, died Sept. 29 2007 in Baghdad, Iraq

A Company 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment, FOB Frontenac, Afghanistan 2009 - 2010

So the second question I had told you about, how do you go from being an Infantry First Sergeant to being a social worker? This is a little easier to answer if you can believe that. I have begun to understand that there are many Veteran’s, Soldiers and family members that do not know how to ask for help. The stigma that is involved with seeking help because one does not want to appear weak is powerful still in today Army and as hard as the Army tries to change the perception the underlying current in the river is still prevalent with service members past and present. This has to be changed but how? It is Soldiers, Marines, Airmen and Sailors getting out there and when they see a member in crisis stepping and helping them find the help they need. It is directing them to people like me who can understand the things they saw in combat and how those feelings can be talked about in a manner that is therapeutic and helps in the recovery process.

I did one thing that I can only stress and did stress to all the Soldiers I came into contact with “GO TO SCHOOL”. No matter what you are doing make the time to attend a class here and there even if it is just one class twice a week make the time to attended. When I retired I had obtained my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology Degree from Saint Martin’s University in Lacey, WA and I was named a joint recipient of the Linda Fletcher Memorial Scholarship, a scholarship that is awarded to acknowledge and reward students who exhibit the special characteristics that are a part of the Saint Martin’s mission as well as help cultivate a strong community of learners among the University’s extension program students. I am now going through the admissions process at the University of Southern California for my Masters in Social Work where I will concentrate on learning how to deliver services such as mental health counseling, family therapy, crisis intervention, program development, and organizational consulting. My sub- concentration will be Military Social Work and Veteran Services which will prepare me to provide a full range of human services to the nation’s armed forces personnel, military veterans and their families. Had I not started and continued my education I can guarantee that my situation would be entirely different, especially in today’s economy. My success started when I went to the education office on post and asked for advice.

Saint Martin's University BA in Psychology

This is not why I write this post or do this blog to brag about what I have done but instead I write my story so that you know I am a true advocate for our warriors and my life was like many of yours but we have the power to shape our destiny and we have the power to help our fellow veterans. Thank you all for your dedication and care for our Soldiers. Remember the first step is yours!!!!